Bradley Meyer

Children’s Books

I’m thinking of writing a children’s book called “The Oologist Ululates.”
Children should know the names of things. Egg collector is not deliberate the way children are
deliberate. There is a Facebook group for people who think rhinoceroses are fat unicorns. I think that.
It’s possible to take snapshots of inner monologues. Look: you are in a place with only palimpsests.
Greeting cards in the trash can. Bulging, deflating as needed. Even a broken cactus creates its own
shade. I’m thinking of writing another children’s book. This one is about a fancy dress party. There is a
regular sized rhinoceros dressed as a fat unicorn. The unicorn tells a crane dressed as a flamingo that
she needs to do something about her personality because she will not always be beautiful. The flamingo
is not listening. When it occurred to me existence might be effectively distilled to moving things from
one place to another, I felt wise. When I realized I didn’t know how to make this thought useful, I felt
irrelevant. A tree with feathers for leaves, simpering.

Escape Velocity

Mountains are silent because it would take too many words to get anywhere near their grandeur but,
this is a start. The Ferengi have 178 different words for rain. I have 47 of my own for staggering beauty
though, I no longer know what to do with them. I have no words for that. ‘Welllll, shit’ will suffice in the
interim. Meanwhile, I have learned several things- three of them by traveling: 1) My worst hair days are
precipitated by rain 2) Jesus never died so often as in every art museum & 3) Saskatchewan & Kansas
have the same joke. I’ll tell it to you sometime but first, let me tell you about how my one step guide to
curbing spontaneous internet spending consists of putting my money in Hong Kong Dollars so it’s
difficult to spend on anything. Now I have the option of leaving for Hong Kong at a moment’s notice
despite the place not interesting me at all. I travel in the passenger seat with binoculars. Looking
that far ahead makes me car sick.